Art of Coaching – Blindspot

No matter how good you are at what you do, no matter how hard you work, no matter how much you want to help others, none of it will make an impact if you don’t know how to reach your audience.

 

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Art of Coaching – Blindspot

 

YOU’RE NOT ALONE!

It’s a frustrating feeling knowing we now live in a world where it seems like those with the loudest voices and the most “flash” are the ones who get seen, heard, and presented with the most unique opportunities.

A time where the ones who keep their heads down, do the work others pretend to be doing, and stay committed to their craft in an ethical way are the ones scraping to get by while not “selling out.”

“Those people” are what we call true professionals.

“Those people” are you.

But here’s the truth…

Your work won’t make a difference if you don’t know how to communicate your message in a way that resonates with the people who need you and the work you provide the most.

None of it matters if you don’t take the leap and give yourself permission to find YOUR VOICE and build your own platform.

And yes, that means facing some of the inherent self-doubt and criticism that comes with the process of self-improvement and learning.

I know this because I came up in a profession that strongly identifies with a “servant” and self-sacrificial mentality.

A field where extreme humility isn’t just “good practice” it’s the law.

…At least if you don’t want to risk getting labeled as a “sell-out” or blacklisted by those in power.

From my early days as an intern working for free, through the middle part of my career, the messaging was incessant and firm:

“It’s not about you.”

“Real coaches don’t have social media.”

“In this profession, you are to be seen, not heard.”

“It’s not about the money.”

“We want a coach, not a brand.”

And since these were the phrases echoed not only by an entire community of my peers but also by my early mentors- I bought into them hook, line and sinker.

For a while anyway…

This type of behavior is far too common in fields where scarcity of good jobs is an issue, along with any true way to validate “the worth” of your work.

It’s what happens when your self-image is tied to the wrong things. When you let the tension and anxiety of wanting to prove yourself get the best of you because you know you have more to offer than you’re getting the chance to show.

It’s what leads to stagnation and an eventual lack of fulfillment.

Stagnation occurs when you let fear and insecurity hijack your decisions, your actions, and your work.

When left unchecked, these toxic behaviors create blindspots that derail your career, your relationships, and damage your opportunity to make the difference you were born to make.

This realization came when I was eventually called out by the very people I thought I was serving, all while doing what I thought I was supposed to do- keeping a low profile and only focusing on the work itself.

One afternoon while training a large group of athletes preparing for their upcoming season, I was asked by an 11 year NFL Veteran why I wasn’t on social media.

I looked at him and regurgitated the mantra that I had heard my entire career up to that point, “because true professionals do the work, they don’t talk about it.”

“Interesting,” he replied while nodding his head skeptically.

“So you don’t think your work has any value except for the people who are right in front of you?”

I was a bit taken aback by his reply since I had never considered it that way.

“That’s not it,” I fired back. “I’m just not egotistical enough to think anyone else really cares what I have to say. Enough people are shouting from proverbial mountaintops already.”

“That’s one way to look at it,” he said. “But those people aren’t you and they haven’t had the same life experiences you’ve had. That alone makes what you have to say unique.”

I had no reply.

The very next day I did something bigger than creating a social media account; I re-committed to writing my own book.

A book that told the story of how I nearly lost my life as a teenager due to communication barriers that led to poor medical care.

A book that told a story I was ashamed of and angered by for nearly 15 years.

A book that numerous “big name” publishers told me nobody would be interested in reading since I wasn’t a household name, because I worked in an obscure industry, and because the story of my drastic weight-loss and hospitalization was “too intense.”

A book that eventually went on to become a best-seller in multiple categories, translated into nearly a dozen languages, adopted by Fortune 500 companies, universities, and sporting organizations alike. A book that sold over 100,000 copies worldwide in its first two years despite being self-published and funded solely by me and my wife’s paltry savings account.

I’d love to tell you that after the success of my first book I received no further criticism, haven’t dealt with imposter syndrome since, and that everything else just fell into my lap.

But I’d be lying to you.

No matter what you create there will always be people your work doesn’t connect with, there will always be mistakes, there will always be setbacks and there will always be critics.

I still hear the voice of the loudest and harshest critic I’ve ever known every day.

That voice is my own.

As someone who wants to create change, you will always be your own loudest critic. You will always be the most challenging boss you’ve ever worked for.

The boss who says your work is never good enough.

The boss whose expectations aren’t realistic.

The boss who keeps you from submitting your work because you know they are ready to tear it apart the moment they lay eyes on it.

But there comes a time when that narrative changes for all of us.

A time when we’ve had enough of running from or apologizing for what we want.

A time where we learn to turn frustration into fuel.

A time where we learn to make our fear of failure or judgment a tailwind instead of a headwind.

For some, it comes when they lose a job for the first time or after they realize they need a new change, a new challenge.

For others, it comes because they’re tired of going to bed at night wondering if they’re really doing all they are capable of. If they’re actually making the change they originally set out to make when they started in their chosen field.

This tension comes from the desire to make things better. To create value. To contribute and find firm footing.

We’re often told to ignore it. To be grateful for what we have and simply focus on the here and now. But leaders don’t just live for the moment, they think for the future.

Besides, when we ignore this tension, it creates anxiety and restlessness; an environment ripe for the creation of blindspots in our personal and professional development.

What’s a blindspot?